I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
