I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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