Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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