I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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