Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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