Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.

(310): View more from California

wait, who's paul?

(917): View more from New York City

exactly.

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(917): omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing. (310): wait, who's paul? (917): exactly. http://tfl.nu/h90s

Replies (6) Good night (1988) Bad night (855)
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(708): View more from Illinois

you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend

(1-708): View more from Illinois

why?

(708): View more from Illinois

so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.

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(708): you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend (1-708): why? (708): so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement. http://tfl.nu/h2nt

Replies (163) Good night (3587) Bad night (1259)
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(443): View more from Maryland

He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him

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(443): He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him http://tfl.nu/8x14

Replies (19) Good night (1479) Bad night (4187)
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(289): View more from Ontario

So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

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(289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t

Replies (24) Good night (7886) Bad night (1504)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.

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(864): Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you. http://tfl.nu/wybw

Replies (6) Good night (3659) Bad night (974)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.

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(317): Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace. http://tfl.nu/qgcb

Replies (8) Good night (1575) Bad night (3305)
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(408): View more from California

We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.

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(408): We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices. http://tfl.nu/tes7

Replies (5) Good night (2529) Bad night (1267)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room

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(610): Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room http://tfl.nu/oqu1

Replies (20) Good night (3708) Bad night (821)
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(773): View more from Illinois

All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.

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(773): All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that. http://tfl.nu/u65f

Replies (3) Good night (2266) Bad night (678)
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(916): View more from California

This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.

(831): View more from California

How much did you smoke??

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(916): This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big. (831): How much did you smoke?? http://tfl.nu/a96z

Replies (7) Good night (1632) Bad night (738)
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(443): View more from Maryland

So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?

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(443): So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her? http://tfl.nu/6uxs

Replies (8) Good night (1310) Bad night (726)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.

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(202): That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off. http://tfl.nu/x6zl

Replies (11) Good night (855) Bad night (1822)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.

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(336): I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman. http://tfl.nu/r3qg

Replies (2) Good night (884) Bad night (423)
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(416): View more from Toronto

You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.

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(416): You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/90l8

Replies (3) Good night (1129) Bad night (454)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"

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(612): And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week" http://tfl.nu/wk76

Replies (2) Good night (182) Bad night (292)

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