I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM