dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
