I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions