I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
