This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
