p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
