I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Boobs are out for the taking
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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