is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
