yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
