Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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