Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
