Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
