Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
