I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
