On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
