If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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