and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
