some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
