Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
