i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
