I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
