I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
