i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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