Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
