I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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