I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
