R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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