fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
