his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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