i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
