It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
