You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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