And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
