just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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