If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
