Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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