He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
