She is in my trunk
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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