Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
