I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
