I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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