Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
