so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
