it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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