are you so shy because you have an std?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
