i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She told me I should be a condom model.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
