Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
