dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
