ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
