Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
