My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
