the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
