why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
