Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
