I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
