drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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