I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
