If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
