I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
