forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
