I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
