Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
