He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
