Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
