I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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