Whod you bang
nut hugger
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ambien. No doubt about it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
