Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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