you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
