I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
